Hope
by Gurhur
Summary: Really, why did they always make the ghosts appear in mirrors and bedrooms and other normal places?


**A/N:** My entry for this the Makoto Birthday Exchange 2015, gifted to systems from AO3. Ngl, I had a really hard time writing this fic. I tried to keep it light and fluffy, but then suddenly angst and jealousy and ? It has a happy ending, though, so at least there's that. This is also my first time writing MakoRin, so I apologize if they're a little OOC :U

As always, standard disclaimers apply, and the same work can be found on both my Tumblr and AO3 accounts.

* * *

After the third years graduated, they all tried to meet up at least once a month. Kou and some of the Samezuka students, both current and former like Nitori and Sousuke, occasionally joined them. For the most part, however, with Nagisa and Rei as the usual organizers, only Haruka, Makoto, and Rin would go.

Today was one such day. Nagisa, ever enthusiastic, and Rei, ever reliable ("Hehe, _Rei_ -liable," Nagisa snickered), had arranged a dinner-movie outing. Kou had apologized and declined, having already planned a day out with Chigusa on the same day, while the others had claimed to be busy. Makoto, as gullible as Nagisa was enthusiastic and Rei was reliable, unthinkingly accepted the invitation. It was only when they were already in the theatre that he realized his mistake, and he immediately tried to back out―unsuccessfully, of course.

"But Mako-chan," Nagisa had whined. "We've already bought the tickets! Surely you won't waste the effort Rei-chan and I went to to arrange everything?" He'd then brought out his pout, which he knew Makoto had never been able to say no to.

And true to form, Makoto had spluttered, tried to avoid looking at Nagisa, and, in the end, slumped and followed the group into the cinema.

* * *

Makoto could admit to himself that he always had been weak to Nagisa's… ways of coercion, so he supposed it really wasn't that big a surprise that he found himself clinging to his seat in fear. Yet as he sat there, knuckles white and cold sweat dotting his forehead, he still found himself wondering just why he allowed himself to be tricked into watching a horror movie he would have otherwise not even heard of. Really, why did they always make the ghosts appear in mirrors and bedrooms and other _normal_ places?

He was so caught up in pointedly not looking at the screen that, when a weight dropped onto his shoulder, he couldn't help but open his mouth in what was probably the loudest scream he had ever made.

* * *

"Here," Rin said softly as he pushed the cup of soda towards Makoto.

"Thank you," Makoto mumbled, before taking a sip from the red straw.

"Rin scratched the back of his head, not looking Makoto in the eye. "Sorry about that," he said after a while of silence. "I noticed you weren't looking too well so I was going to try and calm you down or something, but, well… I should've realized you were a little too worked up, I suppose. Sorry."

"I-It's okay, really," Makoto said with a shaky smile. "I shouldn't have agreed to watch the movie anyway."

They were quiet again then, Makoto sipping at his soda and Rin nibbling on his lip in thought. Makoto watched him from below his fringe, taking in how those insanely sharp teeth somehow managed not to break through skin. He wondered, not for the first time, just how it would feel under his fingertips, how it would feel to run his tongue along the jagged edges, how it would feel biting against his own lips instead, or on his neck, or his shoulders―

"Alright then," Rin suddenly said. Makoto barely reigned in his instinctive flinch, and he fought the blush that tried to makes its way on his face. Oh god, this was not the right time, not at all!

"I doubt anyone's going to be leaving the theatre right now, Nagisa and Rei especially. Haru probably would have left by now if he really wanted to or if he didn't think you would be fine… What do you think about going to the arcade first, or something, so we can pass the time while they finish the movie?" Rin asked.

"Yeah, okay, why not," Makoto laughed. He stood and dusted off the seat of his pants with his free hand.

Rin grinned and took his wrist. "Great! Now I get to kick your ass at racing!"

* * *

Rin did not, in fact, kick his ass at racing, or at first person shooters, or even at air hockey (his loss at basketball was expected, so that didn't really count). By the time Nagisa started sending them emoji-filled texts asking where they were, Rin was tired and a little frustrated. However, Makoto's mood had conspicuously lifted, so he couldn't say he was all that upset about losing his pride in arcade gaming.

Makoto could only laugh at Rin whenever he lost at one game or another. Not that he was trying to be malicious, but Rin's reactions were extremely amusing, and were a large part of why he cheered up. He knew that some of the frustration was an act, made precisely to amuse him once it was obvious that he found it entertaining. Perhaps others would find that a little patronizing, but he was touched. And really, Makoto couldn't deny that his heart soared whenever he saw the small smiles Rin tried to hide at Makoto's laughter. It gave him hope that maybe, just maybe…

* * *

Dinner was a reservation at a seafood grille, made primarily so Haruka won't have to harass the restaurant staff for mackerel. Of course, Rei made sure that there were no glass tanks or fountains or any other receptacle for water in plain sight, besides pitchers and glasses, so that Haru would not be able to jump into them and therefore get them banned from yet another establishment… and also so that Haru would not get charged with indecent exposure, whether or not he was wearing his jammers as underwear.

Ordinarily, Makoto would be amused, and would be laughing at whatever jokes Nagisa would make at Haru's expense (because really, it's not like Haru actually cared all that much about the kind of things Nagisa spouted). To be perfectly honest, however, he couldn't bring himself to really pay much attention to how Nagisa was trying to get a rise out of Haru. Instead, his mind kept wandering to the man sitting beside him, and the time they had spent together earlier. And really, the way Rin had been acting, it became hard not to think that perhaps, just like Makoto felt about him, Rin also…

And then a server came to take their orders, and coincidence of all coincidences, it turned out that she was in one of Rin's classes, and wow, wasn't it just a small world? They go on for a little while, and Makoto felt something slowly shrivel up and die inside of him, leaving his mind fuzzy and blank. Because, well, come to think of it, he'd never really seen Rin interacts with many females before, and so had never truly thought about it. There was Rin's mom, of course, as well as Kou and Chigusa, and Ama-chan-sensei, sometimes, and Ran and their mom, and Nagisa's sisters and mom, the few times they had all gone over to Nagisa's house, and… That was all of them, because Rin had studied at Samezuka, where they were all male, biologically if not psychologically, so really, there were only so much females Rin had been able to interact with, or that Makoto had seen him interact with.

It all boiled down to the same issue that always brought him down, really. As close as he was to Rin, as much as they knew each other, there were still parts of Rin's life that he could never truly know or even see. For all he knew, Rin could be interested in some girl none of them had ever met before, and what was the point of hoping then?

"Excuse me, can we please place our order already?"

For a beat, Makoto wasn't sure who had spoken. Then, as they turned to him with four pairs of incredulous eyes and a pair of surprised ones, he realized that it had been him, and that he had been so rude, god, what was wrong with him today?

The girl quickly composed herself with a small blush and brought out her notepad. "I apologize for the inconvenience. May I take your orders?"

No one said anything for a moment, before blessed, blessed Nagisa loudly proclaimed that he wanted the stuffed squid, spicy grilled squid, chargrilled squid, and "Honestly, Nagisa-kun, do you even have the money for all that?!"

"It's okay, Rei-chan, you can pay for what I can't!"

And just like that, everything was back to normal.

* * *

Except it wasn't. Makoto couldn't keep himself from fidgeting, try as he might to settle down and participate in the conversation. If he thought he had been distracted before, he didn't know what to say about himself now. He knew he wasn't hiding his discomfort as well as he wanted to, as he could see Haru sending him looks from the corner of his eye (though to be fair, it was Haru, and they couldn't really hide much from each other even when they tried).

"Excuse me," he said, interrupting Rei from what might have been a rant about Nagisa's spending habits. He wasn't even sure anymore. "I'll just go to the toilet. I'll be back in a moment."

He somehow managed to find his way to the washroom without accident, and he braced himself on the sink to take deep breaths. _One… two… three…_ He felt like he wasn't in control of himself, as if the one who had so rudely spoken to the girl earlier had not been him but someone else entirely. With another shaky exhale, he turned the tap and splashed his face with the cold water. Instantly his mind cleared, and yet he could only stare at his reflection blankly.

Why would he be jealous when he had no right to be so in the first place?

* * *

Rin watched with a frown as Makoto left, only to wince as he felt a rather hard kick to his shin. He turned to glare at Haru, who was giving him a _Look_. Nagisa and Rei looked equally solemn, though without the intensity Haru had.

"You already know what I want to say," Haru said after a moment of silence.

"Eeeh? Haru-chan, you talked to Rin about about Mako-chan already? Without us? Mean!" Nagisa whined, squirming in his seat.

Haru ignored him and kept his gaze on Rin, who sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. "I know, I know," he said. He pushed his seat back and stood. "You guys can start eating if the food arrives without us."

They watched him walk away, none of them saying a word.

* * *

 _I can do this_ , Makoto thought as he took one deep breath after. _I can go back out there and act like normal. Everyone has their off days and this was just mine. I can just_ —

The door creaked open, and he flinched out of his thoughts. He looked back down into the sink, not wanting to meet whoever had come in in the eye.

"Makoto."

 _Oh._ Well. That meant he… kinda had no choice now, didn't it? He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Rin."

They were both silent then, and it was completely awkward, not in the same way it had been earlier in the cinema. This was different, felt final, in a way, as if whatever they would say now would change their dynamic forever.

 _So dramatic_ , he thought to himself. _And yet…_ His shoulders slumped imperceptibly, because as dramatic as it was, he did know that whatever would come of their conversation now would change things for the two of them.

"Look," Rin finally said, breaking before Makoto did. "That girl earlier… she's just an acquaintance. Barely even that, actually. We only have that one class together, and we don't have friends in common, or at least none that I know of, so—"

"Rin," Makoto said again, this time with more force. He forced a stiff smile on his face, and he finally turned around, eyes settling somewhere on Rin's forehead.

"Why are you telling me this? I don't… I was just feeling a little impatient, I suppose. I did tire myself out earlier, so I was getting hungry. Sorry about that." He laughed hollowly, and by the way Rin's eyes narrowed, he knew he wasn't convincing at all.

Rin clenched his hands and stepped forward, prompting Makoto to try and push himself further on the sink, the edge of the ceramic digging into his back. "And I'm trying to say that it's okay, I don't care that you did that, I just—"

"Can we just drop this? Please?" His voice was shaking, and he cleared his throat in an attempt to reestablish his ground. "Let's just- let's just go back out and eat, okay? The food's probably there already and it will get cold." He tried to take a step towards the door, but Rin grabbed his wrist tight.

"Don't run away. I'm not even here to say that you were out of the line, or that you should apologize, or- or whatever it is you think I'm here for," he said lowly. "I'm worried, I admit, but... Mainly I just came here to tell you something else."

Makoto felt his breath rush out of his lungs, and his blood felt cold in his veins. He had to stop this, had to change the subject, just do _something_ so Rin would just leave it be- leave _him_ be. Mind a blank, terrified mess, he shouted "Stop!". The walls seemed to ring with the tail end of his shout, and then the only thing he could hear was their selective breathing.

" _Please_ , Rin " he finally rasped, voice shaking. "Please. Just let me go. Let's forget this happened, go back to the way things were this afternoon before we got here. I don't... I don't want anything to change, okay? So just... please."

He heard Rin take a shuddering breath, and the hand on his wrist tightened briefly before it finally let go. "Alright," Rin said slowly. "But... before we go back, let me say one thing. Just one."

A pause, and then Makoto gave a tiny nod of his head.

Rin cleared his throat. "Alright. Okay. Not gonna lie, I'm nervous as fuck about what I'm gonna say." He huffed a laugh, shaky and a little pained but very much genuine. "I... Alright, let's do this like a bandaid. I like you, okay? I like you, and if I'm right and Haru's not just pulling my leg, you like me, too. So no, I don't... I don't want to let it go."

Makoto made a strangled sound and turned, eyes wide and glistening. "You... Rin, _what_ -"

Rin smiled at him. "I'll can repeat it again and again, if you want," he said. "I like you. I like you. I like you."

"Oh, god," Makoto gasped. His cheeks were going red, and he covered his face with his hands. "Wait. Just... let me... process this for a bit, okay? I... I..." He trailed off, and then suddenly his shoulders started shaking, and sobs spilled from his mouth.

"M-Makoto? Shit, did I say anything wrong?"

Makoto laughed, and if it sounded a bit unhinged, well, he didn't even care anymore. "I'm fine," he said between sobs and trembling lips. "I'm really, truly fine. I just... _Rin!_ "

With that, he threw himself at Rin, who looked surprised and a little bemused, but also a little pleased.

* * *

When they came back, Haru and Nagisa were arguing over the merits of mackerel versus squid, while Rei tried to get them to stop. Their food lay in front of them, still steaming but otherwise ignored. Makoto and Rin looked at each other, the former with swollen eyes but the both of them with flushed cheeks, and laughed.


End file.
